Depression is an illness. It is cruel, it is lonely, it is mean and most of all it is embarrassing but no matter what anyone says or thinks, it is real.
Unfortunately it has this incredible ability to be life changing and once things start to change it doesn’t seem like they’ll stop. The embarrassment of having it kills you slowly from the inside out. It is important for people to understand depression and those that have it to understand that there is no need to be ashamed. Having depression can only make you stronger.
While depression saw my ex not only break up with me but take the piss out of how sick it had made me, I have met some of the most incredible people through it and wouldn’t change it for a second. I am who I am and while depression turned me into someone else for a while, I know that when I become myself again I will not just be myself but instead a better, more understanding person, and as for my ex – well who cares. I am not afraid anymore. Life will always throw you challenges, some of them will be people, others will be events but at the end of the day they’re thrown at us to make us better people.
I hope that in the near future mental illness in general becomes more talked about. I hope that everyone begins to understand the effects they (mental illnesses) can have on an individual’s life and therefore people are more willing to stick around and help, not get scared and run away. I know it can be draining, I know it can be heart breaking. I watched what it did to my family and friends. I saw what not knowing did to them as their attempts at helping just saw me get worse. I watched my mum cry because she didn’t know what to do. I know not just her but everyone around me blamed themselves for not doing more. I know they were trying, but they just didn’t understand. My family have spent hours wondering where I am, wondering if I was going to come home; alive. They have spent many sleepless nights afraid that if the close their eyes for just a second it might be my last. It has killed them inside as they have watched it kill me.
I was embarrassed by the thought of depression and I didn’t want to admit I could have it. I was scared of what people would say and I knew that people would only look down on me. It’s the embarrassment of having it that kills because I was too afraid to ask for help. So if I ever get the chance I want to ask people to educate themselves on mental illnesses and make it something that is seen as okay. Don’t let it define people. Make it easier for them by letting them know it’s okay.